Cramming: One giant leap beyond buying stuff you don’t need

Cramming. You’ve heard of spamming, phishing, and pharming (or have you?). Welcome to the latest unwanted and insidious confidence trick that allows people to bill you recurrently for stuff you never asked for.

According to a well-rounded Ars-Technica article, cramming involves signing up a mobile phone user to services which directly bill their mobile phone account without them ever knowing you did it.

But wait – how can someone do this without your permission? Well, apparently they can. And the mobile phone companies don’t seem to care. They simply assume you authorised the third party to bill your account.

So if you see repeated bills for $12.95-ish for services on your account with innocuous names like “Orbit Telecom” or “MyIProducts IMail”, look deeper – you may have been crammed. It’s about as pleasant as it sounds.

Read the article for a better description than I could give here.

(caution: Urban Dictionary doesn’t appear to have caught up yet: They still define cramming as “Un-lubed Ass-banging“. You have been warned)

Now that’s what I call profiling

In my inbox today, I received the following email. Now, I didn’t want to leap to any conclusions, so with my heart pounding and my brow furrowed I read right to the end.

Attorney James Obby
85 rue du lome,
Togo West Africa.
Telephone: +228-909-6319

Dear Daniel Walmsley,

I am contacting you for the claim of your late uncle fund that was deposited with the Eco  bank. I must solicit your confidence in this claim,this is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top Secret.Though I know that contact of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried,but I am assuring you that all will be well since i know everything about your late uncle fund. I have decided to contact you due to the urgency of this matter.

Let me start by introducing myself properly to you.I am Barrister James Obby the Attorney to your late uncle Engr.J.C Walmsley(Snr)an oil Merchant with the Federal Government of lome-togo,until his death some years ago in Kenya Air Bus (A310-300)Flight KQ430,Banked with ECO BANK,lome-togo and had a closing balance as at the end of September, 2001 worth US$8,000,000.00( Eight Million United States Dollars).The bank now expects the Next of Kin to come forward as Beneficiary.Efforts have been made by the Eco Bank of lome-togo to get in touch with any of the Deceased Family or Relatives,but they have met with no success.

As the deceased being a foreigner,that was why i decided to contact you so that you can put claim on this. Now the management under the influence of the bank Chairman and Members of the Board of directors,that arrangement has been made for the fund to be declared Unclaimed In order to avert this negative development, it is my duty to contact you since your name was listed as the next of kin to his properties.

All documents and proof to enable you get this fund will be carefully worked out by me for this claim.I have secured from the probate an order of Mandamus to locate any of the deceased beneficiaries,and more so i am assuring you that this claim is 100% risk free.Now it is left for you deceide on what you will give as my percentage for assisting you in this claim.

Yours Sincerely,
Obby. Esq.

What can you possibly say to something like that? Methinks, only one thing:

MY UNCLE IS DEAD?

OMGWTF!!!11!!!!1

Confused Narcissus

Ok, so a while ago I set up a Google Alert to inform me of happenings related to myself, and periodically it tells me someone on the web called “Dan Walmsley” (typically an Irish F1 Engineer, but occasionally me) has been written about.

Today, however, the results were far more disturbing.

Dan twinned the Steward way in back circuitously 2002 for example a musician in re the non-philharmonic restlessness. “Ace did exclamation in order to the administration ”˜oh, ourselves sense, Themselves do up have it gently too’,” me recalled as to his untimely days. “Nonetheless top brass didn’t factually accredit oneself.”

First of all, I think I’ve been misquoted.

Second of all, who does this article benefit?

Thirdly, the post categories are: “african american, audism, feel good tips, republicans, yasin”. Why?

Fourthly, it’s clearly a translation of this article. But a translation into what? Half-English gibberish?

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to hard evidence that synonym-generation does not lead to 100% readability during summary generation. This reminds me of my lost year at NICTA.