Greetings Google AdSense Site Auditors

I read today on Slashdot that Google is (finally!) having an IPO. I browsed their online S-1 form and found a reference to a thing called “AdSense“, which gives you a little bit of money every time someone clicks a google ad on your site, so I signed up. What the heck, you only live once, right? Then they tell me via e-mail that their people are going to audit my site in order to see if it’s appropriate. “No worries”, I thought, “it’s not as though my site is filled with porn and warez”.

Perhaps not, but on the front page I found:

And that’s just on the front page!

More than any ad revenue, I fear for my sanity and moral hygiene.

The old me was funnier

Dave and I were having dinner tonight, and he mentioned my old Home Page of Terror. I still have no idea why I called it that, but anyway here it is. It was my Uni webpage. It’s amazing how much of an Internet time-capsule it is; a midi-file playing on the front page, animated gifs, under-construction signs, ridiculous overuse of hideous textured backgrounds – how I’ve missed you all!

See also:

  • Exploding Toilet Productions – a games company I formed with Matt
  • A demo page I made for a school project – shows a degree of restraint not evident anywhere else in the site
  • My cousin John’s baby Sacha! So cute.
  • A site I made for a friend’s band called Menagerie. So… textured… and who publishes sound bites in WAV anymore? Even in an age when people are walk around dribbling multi-gigabyte hard drives from their trouser legs, nobody uses lossless audio.
  • Dan’s Home Page of Microsoft. I got on the bash-MS train earlier than many.
  • The old Baobhan Sidhe homepage! My friends’ band. One of the first pages on the ‘net whose content was entirely contained between two <CENTER> tags.
  • Finally, lest my embarrassment not be complete, I present to you the first stand-up monologue I ever performed. Take that, Goths! You nerdy outsiders from society who take on distinct attributes as a way of forming a strong and insular “tribe”! I mock your search for comfort in the company of like-minded friends, and your arbitrary collective behaviours!
  • Interestingly, my friend Ashley’s home page is still up at Yoyo. And it still has pictures I drew in it, including the completely stupid Memoirs of a Visible Man.

Well, that was a blast from the past. Like a giant, non-standards-compliant fart of hand-coded HTML.

What? You want more? Well how about my even earlier web site? Frames! The horror! For those who are interested, the bulbously phong-shaded logo was created using the extrude tool in Imagine 2.0 on an Amiga 1200 + 68030 @ 25MHz + 8Meg Fast RAM.

So, you saw the frames and you think you can handle some more hard-ass wayback-style Internet? Well, set your Flux Capacitors to 1994 and hit 88 as we view the very first Home Page of Terror! WRITTEN IN vi!

Worst Review Ever

I saw this user review at and had to share. How many of you have seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? And how many would compare it to Total Recall or Desperately Seeking Susan?

Dallas, Texas

Date: 20 March 2004
Summary: “Nice” movie that proves the ride is what matters

Greetings again from the darkness. Writer Charlie Kaufman has a frightening brain and loves to share it. While not at the level of “Being John Malkovich” or “Adaptation”, this Kaufman script takes the film-goer on a ride to prove that’s what it’s all about. The only thing that life in general and relationships specifically, offer are the memories and experiences. Results matter little. Jim Carrey bashers will surely crucify his dramatic turn, but most will see the depth he brings to the role. He can act … it is just difficult for many to get past the Carrey icon. Kirsten Dunst again proves she is so much more than a pretty face. She leaps off the screen with pain and joy and eagerness. Mark Ruffalo and Tom Wilkinson provide steady supporting roles, but the biggest disappointment is Kate Winslet. Think knock-off of Madonna in “Desperately Seeking Susan”. She does not have the edge necessary to pull off this role. Her scenes come up empty when it is necessary for her to step up. Many will liken the film to “Total Recall”, but thanks to the writing, it will take you much deeper in your feelings than Arnold ever has! So enjoy the story (even if it a bit far-fetched) and the wonderful visuals and be thankful there are filmmakers willing to take risks.